Saturday, August 16, 2014


Most of my young life I had to fly under the radar when I succeeded at something really big or accomplished an enormous goal for myself. It was always because someone in the family or in our circle might have had hurt feelings if anyone made a big deal about what I had accomplished. My mother thought it was some form of embarrassment to someone else's pride. Even when I was a kid, my mother was concerned for the other people that didn't do "IT". "If they don't know, they won't look at you as a competition," she’d say. This was my mother's culture. 

I've learned to take the 'behind the curtains recognition' on 99.9% of my personal accomplishment - I mean the real life accomplishments. 

When I attended Berkeley, my mother didn't want anyone outside the family to know because, at that time, a friend of hers had a kid 3 years older than me who had just dropped out of college. My mother didn't want her friend feeling embarrassed. To add salt to the wound, I was only seventeen years old when I was accepted. When I received my law degree, it was just me in some diner on Pike Place market with a bowl of clam chowder to celebrate. When I had chosen the man to marry, to be the father of my 3 children, aka, Mr. Big, I had to play it very low key in front of my step-sister. She had gotten pregnant out of wedlock the same year as my engagement. She didn't have the "big wedding" she wanted, so I had to accommodate her and my family, and not talk about my big Catholic wedding plans. When my first and second sons were born, they were the first male grand kids out of 34, from my husband's father’s side of the family. No one ever mentioned it, not even my mother-in-law. She didn't want to ruffle up feathers amongst the cousins.  By then I'd gotten used to flying and living life under the radar. I guess that's why I make a big deal about my kids’ accomplishments. I make damn sure they all know I'm making a big deal out of each one of them. I have a long list of stories that can fill ten books similar to these events. Now, I'm able to use it to my advantage. I’ve learned not to be bitter about my under appreciated accomplishments. I’ve learned not to allow people’s actions to steal my joy. That no matter how others might view my accomplishment and success in life, big or small, they still belong to me. My accomplishments, my deeds, my success in life were choices that I made to better myself. No one forced me. No one made the sacrifice to work towards them, but me. No one can ever take them away. 

Well, today I want to celebrate my size 2 jeans.      

I purchased them last week. 
I only mentioned it to three people, not wanting anyone else to feel bad. Yes, feel bad. Trained emotions and reaction. Truth be told, most women will wonder what you look like currently, since they last saw you six months or a year ago. Most women will wonder if the pretty face matches the body. But once you tell them you're in a size 2 jeans and a size 5 dress, they'll get really quiet on you. 

I am very proud of myself for losing all the weight and getting my body back in shape. Two years ago I was in a size 11/12 jeans. During my four years of pregnancy and my lactating years, like a cow, my weight rose as high as 180lbs when I was at the top of each of my pregnancy. I had never been that big and I was miserable. Today I am comfortably fitting in size 2 jeans. I haven't been able to fit in to a size 2 anything in two decades. 
So. Everyone gather 'round please.
Come on...
That means YOU.
Group hug time.
I love you guys! Thanks for sharing this moment with me. 
Hooray for me. I'm celebrating my will and courage today.

― LRAEBROWN © 2014

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