|RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A WRITER|
Don't read too much into this piece, I'm just toning up my writing skills.
I'm sitting in my vehicle outside of a building's parking lot as I type this, there's a dinner party inside that I'm supposed to be part of. Honestly, I don't have the patience to smile at people tonight and keep my mouth shut. If people knew what was really on my mind they'd be scared shitless. Sometimes I just have to smile, bite my tongue and not reply. Nowadays the fakery is so deep, people don't even know their own souls anymore. And the truth, the truth burns their skin at the touch of a few words.
It reminds me of something I was going through several years ago while I was figuring out the "type" of writer I wanted to be. Some woman whose name I can't even remember was advising me to write more in the spiritual context and join the band wagon of all the spiritually centered gurus.
And while everyone was playing on their "Enlightened, Awakened, Spiritual Empath’s tambourine", copying the copies of the originals with their wordy spirituality, "magic" unicorn and astral projection (or astral travel); sublime bullshit of self centeredness wannabes speaking that slang of positivity of "think it and it shall manifest"...I was standing on the sidelines wondering what the fuck they were talking about and waiting to be pointed to the punch bowl they'd been drinking from so that I'd never take a drink of that Kool-Aid. I speak five languages and I had not a clue what they were saying.
I knew this, whatever dent they thought they were making in the "Universe" with all those enlightening, magical words...it read as if they were just trying to get some internet pussy from some lonely old divorcee or fishing for a catfish.
I...I wanted to follow my heart, my calling. Although, at the time I had no clue what it was, because all the crazy words those people were throwing around sounded like a lot of scrambling white noises to me.
I wanted to do something important―for someone else. Something that would guide and help our next generation become better adults (than us), transcending the enlightened spiritual narcissists.
On my last birthday I remembered something my pops once said (not in the same wording), "Integrity is one of the necessities for a balanced mental health and clear conscience. It's the recipe to self-esteem and self-awareness. When you give up integrity, you end up writing checks that you can't cash."
And right then and there I decided to find my own "groove"―my own way of writing―my own voice. My own words and prose to get my message across to our younger successors, instead of concentrating on me, myself and I, trying to impress somebody who didn't have a clue or two cents to rub together after four, five, six decades of living, nor the interest to really make a real positive change in their lives.
There are people who will motivate you and inspire you. They challenge you to move forward and accomplish your dreams. They will give you clarifications to your questions. And then there are people who are brilliant at hiding their inauthentic agendas. You can't even sense the red flag burning. No matter how badass-magical-positive their words, they pull you down in their emotional abyss. You sense something feels off in their words, but you can't seem to put a finger on it. They're always suffering or in the midst of constant life's challenges with no direction. How can someone be so enlightened, awakened, a spiritual empath, yet, have not done much real self-healing? Maybe it's just me who doesn't get that.
I've had to do several colon-cleanses of all the distractions in my life in the last couple of years. I didn't even know the weight existed until it was gone.
I had to accept that it's better to be alone in reaching for my goal, than to be surrounded by the weight of people still searching the universe for their purpose, without a plan. Maybe a meteor will hit them.
I can count on one hand the originals and masters in their craft whom I know personally; truly enlightened human beings who are equipped and qualified to teach, whether it be about health, yoga, or spiritual matters. It's them I seek when I need answers to my questions. The rest―the copies of the copies of the originals―I just keep my mouth shut and bite my tongue when they're talking. Josh Billings once wrote, "The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust." Sometimes, that's the hardest part of being human. But, I'm learning it gets easier.