Wednesday, November 18, 2015

"We are only as good as we know. We understand any situation only by the experiences we've had and handle them accordingly."


I used to listen to my friends who consistently reminded me in many of our dialogs, "When you write your words make sure to leave out any negative vibe in your message―be spiritually inspirational, and most of all, positively enlightening. Follow the lead of all those successful gurus because that's what's known and familiar now. Or people will not want to accept what you're saying."
I had allowed people I'd never met in person, and didn't really know how they were truly living their lives, to question my truth, and second-guess how I should (or should not) deliver my words to the world. I believed them, subconsciously at one point, in my weakest hour.
And let's not forget those social network friends, those who consistently post "I don't want to be around negative energy. I want nothing to do with anything that has the potential to cause drama. I want words and messages wrapped up like a beautiful gift in vibrant and inspiring colors or else it's not worth my time and energy. The secret to making your dreams manifest is all in your head. Just concentrate, and *poof* you will attract it. Whatever IT is, think positive all the time. Speak positive words. If you want a better life, a better relationship with your loved one(s), all you have to do is be positive all the time about everything!"
Reality check: We are all negative about something, at times. We all get sad and depressed, moody, pissy, and irritated now and again. Unless one is heavily medicated on antidepressants (all the time), but that's another matter, and from my experience, if you have to constantly announce something about what you "won't put up with", it means you're consistently going against the grain and must be experiencing that very something that embodies precisely what you say you're NOT willing to go through. Truth be told, it comes off sounding like a five-year-old complaining. I've been there, we all have. 
I used to be concerned that if I told people where I was really coming from, I would be misunderstood or no one would like me. But, I'm not good at sugarcoating facts. Let me say that in another way to drive home my point: it pains me to have to find 'softer words' to substitute my message in fear that people are not strong enough or smart enough to "get it". I give people more credit than needing to be talked to like a toddler. I know they're competent and strong enough to get my message without having to tip toe on words. And although it's nice to read and hear positive affirmation on different subjects, when you're actually ready and need that extra push to really make a change, or finally get over a bad hump, some things have to be said, delivered, and spoken as "just a matter of fact". 
Many of the "facts of life" obstacles most of us have experienced (myself included), where we have made the wrong decisions (continuously), were difficult challenges to us because we didn't know any better. We are only as good as we know. We understand any situation only by the experiences we've had and handle them accordingly. If only my circle of family and friends, and the teachers and mentors of my generation when I was “growing up”, had been more transparent with their words and exposed us to the knowledge on the nitty gritty of real life's subjects―the life challenges, the lessons we would eventually have to learn at particular stages in our lives—by simply talking to us, we would be much further along in where we should be as a collective group of the human species. (Notice I wrote "talked about" not told or yelled at us what to do.) Instead, everything is a fucking secret! Until you read a book titled "The Secret". But who reads that in their adolescent years? I mean seriously!

The last extensive phone conversation I had with my Nana Loraine, before she passed away, was right after my forty-fifth birthday. I was going on about my fears of becoming successful and famous with my published books, public speaking, and media writing, and how it could affect my children's lives and their schedules negatively. My excuses were my own insecurities in my ability to deliver my words in my own style or have a plan. She said... "Darling, even if you share your writing with the world wrapped in butterflies, cotton candy, and sunset pictures, there will be a group of people who is not going to agree with what you say. No matter what you do or what you're attempting to achieve, it's only you and you alone who will live a life of knowing whether you've been honest with your message or you've followed what others wanted you to do. You will only succeed if you don’t lie to yourself. You might as well be honest with yourself and the world. You have to use the courage you have to be who you were meant to be in this lifetime."
I didn't allow her words to sink in my head when she spoke. I was still too wrapped up in my own fears, insecurities, and excuses. It went into one ear and out the other. "Everyone has a chapter in their life they don't read out loud."
A year later her words feel like they're being tattooed on the bare skin of my back. Echoing in my head every minute, every hour, daily. Nonstop!
She was right. It was time for me to grow up and stop hiding. It was time for me to stop making excuses and step out of my fears. It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, someone will not like it. I'm not writing to win a popularity contest. What does matter is that I stay genuine and transparent with my words, my message―my story.  Whatever I say, whatever I do, might not sit well with most people, but, for that someone who's reading my words and listening in quietly, I will give the right message to the right person at the right time.


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